Sad anniversary

I write this on the eve of the day when we lost daughter. A year ago, I stopped the world and I will try here to save my feelings a father Nelly and things which have to be similarly affected people to cope and hope that the bad ones he will remain here, because for us it is important the nearly nineteen years, we together with Nelly They experienced, not that awful moment, and the following week, when the worst happened, what is a man in a horrific dreams may seem.

With Nelly we had together with her mother Leona above standard relationships and therefore everything became very difficult and very much we thank all the people around him, his daughter Aneta with Lili and Akin, sister Leona Jolana with Milan, Martin and Cuba, all our friends and loved ones who helped us and were not afraid to express his feelings and gave us a good time, which was very important for us even though many were Nellince very close as well.

It was 5 June 2013. I was doing work that day around the pool, what we built, impregnant the second day and I was looking forward to show how Nelco fills and bathing near. That year was also stable long-term labor contracts, and we thought that summer to extend to more holidays and together we will relax and try to slow down and throw away the stress and fears and enjoy. I’m a little went in one ear and out the other, when Leona told me that he could not reach Nelco because I knew that she must communicate every two hours, and assure that everything is in order. It was about a quarter to seven in the evening and the stairs to the door appeared a man with glasses in plainclothes and asked for Leona, I had the pool ringing signal that someone is looking away and I think doing something with hoses to a solarium.

Then I saw how Leona walked through the office to master and suddenly started screaming terribly, and I knew at that moment that something terrible had happened and that it concerns Nelly. When I went to them for a while so I prayed whether in the hospital, but when I came to this gentleman, I knew it was the end ….. end of this life, that they will never resume. Even in the terrible pain beside me emotions drove the brain as a computer, and now it evaluated as an end. That whatever will be, it will never be a sequel, or just the end, then maybe something new and at that moment it was impossible. Leona just cried, wondering if it was fast enough for us to death did not inspire terror, it hurt too much, and we could not be there and help. We then sat in the office crying and Leona me just kept asking not Milo did not. That appeared neighbors, Leos with Renco and parents came Leone which is the gentleman from the police as we learned came before, I had to call my firstborn daughter of the first relationship and tell her that she lost her sister, she did not want me for a moment believe, because a friend of ex-wife was killed three months ago and her son from that there was very bad, terrible moments. The gentleman from the police was there for another hour or more, and maybe he tried to help, but there was too much to see it as it is for him an interesting and perhaps swallowing the energy and worked with her. Later, we met a couple of people who completely sucking the energy, but fortunately there was not much and we felt that we were trying to distance himself from them. Others are rather afraid to meet us, but we understand it and, fortunately, from the first day was a lot of people around us and that was very important.

The Leone paramedics arrived and gave her an injection to calm down, but I was not working and my mom Leona began to complain that it does not feel her legs and later drove the ambulance to the University Hospital in Hradec Kralove, because she got a stroke and is still in hospital after Luze is in a wheelchair. What do I need to mention that this terrible event happened near the village Zámrsk near Vysoke Myto, where he is now a wooden statue of our famous sculptor Cipryana, that I also like to thank, but I mention it because that day, in our morning stavoval some Man with a range of tools and Leona pretty scared because he did not go to a company, but to the house, but what we get then both vzpoměli was the Zámrsk … as a messenger of death, for which he certainly is not, but both of us thought it later . And when I was with these somewhat mystical things, so that night I went to bed, so after lighting lamps with me every night on the ceiling showed the shadows of flowers – I do not know what it’s called – long thin leaves, always there were about seven, ten, only that evening were projected on the ceiling leaves only two looked like horns, and I fully realize that I met the greatest evil, which one can imagine. A few years before my mom got cancer a few years she struggled, we were a few days at her bedside before she died when she screamed in pain and doctors were completely helpless and unable to help her, and I prayed and summoned all the saints with Jesus and Mary to her They shorten the suffering. It was awful, but you could also understand that everyone has a good time, but this horror, I could never understand nor agree with her. It is a proverb that when older leaves and goes past him, but when the young leaves, disappears and the future, and it is exactly so. All shared plans and secret desires disappear. That future has disappeared, it is not.

Other days of the funeral arrangements, visits to the police, dissecting-room, a funeral itself was a bit of a dream, and I went on an automatic energy when doing the necessary things to brečením not sleep but fainting into bed with either pills or alcohol or both. I can not imagine someone not in that situation yet to work because another four months you do not care about such a thing even when doing something automatically, so therefore it must do something, and you must not stop. We said that with Leona from one year followed the move, and we did. Meanwhile, we invented a line of interesting suicides until I figured out the best and it reassured us that we can at any time, and then also the people around us who have left us in peace, and every day, whether with them or because of them something ….. mostly organized a barbecue alcohol to a person with asleep crying. What concerns me, man cries every day and it helps, especially when a person feels he is getting bad on the environment. After nine months, it was not so often, broke it, and I began to admit that there could be a new way in terms of our experience must be new, the old can be to establish a little, but mostly it hinders. You need to take with you only good people, you need to take with you.

In fact, within a few days and the first weeks they crystallize the people around us into several groups with whom it could talk freely and who were not afraid to occasionally stand in china and we have created an inseparable fourth gear with a friend Nellie Martin, with whom she lived for nearly two years and her cousin Cuba. We started traveling together and were familiar with the sea, by alien would probably not work, we had the luck to people. Second night, I knew that we make the Foundation that its name be with us next. I see him in the stern, Leona has it tattooed on your body, both of us shoved in a similar direction.

Power instructions what to do in the first days and weeks is not. They need pills, not fear them, without them you can not. Psychologist and psychiatrist. We stayed a couple of months to go to the torch. Every day divided into crying, talking about her, about us, suddenly we were involuntary and voluntary having to think about whether it divides us or reunited. Fortunately I had a good team and work that matters most stressful job quite managed it for me, but it does not always. Ten months later came even health problems before us some clever books when one tries to capture and find the word, and then answer the “why”, warned ahead of time, especially from a long gastronomic tension and then the person bends under the weight down. I started to have problems with the first cervical spine and a pinched nerve musculoskeletal hand, it is now thankfully okay, then added to the lumbar spine. It’s very hard to stand up straight again and I have to think I frequently rehearsed it again from the beginning.

Tomorrow it will at the same time in the same place where she was still alive, and last earth in space will be in the same place as well. Perhaps the closeness we feel even though she’s been with us all the time, we need not worry about her anymore, and when it’s our time and we look forward to meeting without fear, it is a gift, death is no longer just a word, and be pleasing.

And I have to mention one event. Two days ago, we learned that our attempts at artificial insemination were successful and one of our possible futures is perhaps permanently with us.

Milan Hruska, father Nelly